Monday June 09, 2003 at 12:33 PM
Guiding lights are not easily replaced
Appearing in Domestic Bliss
In the early hours of last Thursday morning, my Uncle Bob passed away after a year long struggle with pulmonary fibrosis. While the outcome of the battle was never in doubt, the combat had been predicted to last much longer. Unfortunately, his last few months brought unanticipated deterioration, adding an element of surprise to an already terminal condition. Although I had already made plans to return to Texas to see him, his lungs gave way some 30-odd hours before I arrived, and thus a weekend planned for conversation and camaraderie became one devoted to remembrance and reflection.
One thing to know about my Uncle Bob was that he wasn’t actually my uncle. Rather, he and his wife were/are my parent’s closest friends. I grew up calling them aunt and uncle not because they were relatives but because anything else would have been either needlessly formal or inappropriately distant. In addition, the fact that my Uncle Bob and I share the same first name is not mere coincidence. Rather, I was named for him and his wife, my first name coming from his first name and my middle name from her maiden. Although there’s always been something quite meaningful to me about that, it wasn’t until this weekend that I came to any conscious understanding of why.
I realize now that when my parents named me for my Uncle Bob they not only filled in a blank on my birth certificate, they also tethered me to a permanent role model. In that one deft moment of parenting they placed in my life an inescapable influence who, unlike the role models I might later choose for myself, was not only someone I could admire and learn from, but was also a real-life human being who was reliable, honest, and trustworthy. More importantly, by connecting me to the adult world beyond themselves — a connection I would remember whenever I heard my name — they managed to acknowledge the importance of outside influence, quietly recognizing me as an individual.
In the end I can’t say I necessarily knew my Uncle Bob all that well, truth be told we didn’t really spent that much time together. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him however. Guiding lights are not easily replaced.
Comments
I had the joy to meet Uncle Bob at your wedding. From the joy beaming from his face on that day, I can assure you he was honored to have his name carried forward by you.
Your entry is wonderful because it is so refreshing in today's world. When our society trumpets the value of wealth, power, and strength - you offer an alternative. You offer up praise for "real-life human being who was reliable, honest, and trustworthy".
Thank you.
Posted by: Ian Knight on Mon Jun 09, 03